Nothing has changed, yet, so much has.. people, circumstances and emotions. It's amazing how we end up happy with the same person we despised before and how we can't get enough of this happiness. I don't know how fast the year passed by, but what changed with it was my life, my ambitions and most importantly- who I am. How expensive is it to buy happiness for a lifetime? Is it always about compromising and being settled with whatever you're given? Or.. is there a field out there that's beyond what's right and wrong, like what Rumi said?
Toot ke bikharna mujhko zarur aata hai
Varna ibbadat wala shahur aata hai
Sajde mein rehne do, ab kahin na jaunga
Ab jo tumne tukhraya tho sawar na paunga
It's a new year, calls for new innings, new opportunities to become a better person and everyone deserves to be happy. Wishing you all a fabulous year ahead.
'Let go, let go, because there's beauty in the breakdown'
There's something between me and Imogen Heap that connects way too deep, surpassing idol-ship and worshiping. It's how I'm so influenced by her song-writing and music. It's as if she's looking straight into my heart, understanding my emotions and expressing my pain and happiness. Whatever may be the occasion, I always have some song of her's to connect with. It's not sheer poetry that's ornamented with similes and metaphors. They're as simple as singing in the bathroom to being as dynamic as getting your heart broken, from loving someone like never before to being super ambitious. I really feel I haven't lived life the hard way to be able to write so honestly. Sometimes, everything around is so fake with plastic faces and expressions, that I feel so out of place in a Universe, as pure as ever, that bounds us all. I don't feel congested or like a stranger, but I'm on a confused platform, expecting one of the billion stars in the galaxy to direct me to a place where I can feel real. For me, at one point, life was ,or is, just a pattern. Everything is listed, like a lavish a la carte, where you'll choose what's most recommended. But the possibility that there is something outside that, yet to be discovered or acknowledged, is where you have to be lucky enough to experience a path not designed by others for you. That's a feeling I get to live in through her songs. I guess I am not good enough a writer to express her songs, because it's impossible for me to do so.. I'm leaving the rest of this post with some of her songs. You need to be a part of her music to understand it..
Between Sheets
Psychobabble
2-1
Tidal
I loved her album 'Ellipse'. It has this impeccable influence of Indian style aalaps and progressions ; and a slight touch of Bjork, the artist. Some of the Cello progressions remind me of Bjork's 'Play Dead' and 'Venus as a boy'. I'm on a high and I wish to be in this feel for ever, forgetting my troubles and insecurities. I'm ending this post with a line from Tidal, "Do what you feel, just how you like..nobody has to know.."
Though, a wee bit late, here are few excerpts from my interview for The Hindu. Liza George, the lovely lady who interviewed, was so friendly to talk with, which actually helped me open my mind out to her..
Neha Nair is the new musician in town. Liza George tunes in as she rewinds her journey in music
“I am one of the guys,” says Neha Nair, the sole girl in the Malayalam alternative rock band Avial. “In fact, after hanging out with them so much, I have started walking like one. While we are out together, I even help the guys check out girls,” she laughs.
“I started off as a Veejay thinking that would help me get a break into the film music industry. Unfortunately, all I got were more veejaying offers. Rosebowl's Outcast Vocals and Piano Sessions with Stephen Devassy were what got me noticed as a singer. While hosting In Conversation Session, I got the opportunity to interview music legends like Ustad Amjad Ali Khan and Sivamani. My producer, Kadamba Rajesh, would sometimes tell the guest musicians that I am a singer myself. Often this would lead to a jamming session. I remember singing a ghazal with Hariharan sir.”
Although trained in Carnatic music, Neha is currently concentrating on Hindustani music. “I feel my voice is more suited to Hindustani music,” says Neha, who is polishing her skills in Hindustani music with Manohar Keskar. Although she had learnt Carnatic music from Ramesh K. in Muscat, she is continuing her training under the tutelage of Perumbavur G. Ravindranath and Western music from Binu. “I love music in all its forms. I love the fact that every piece of music is created from the same seven notes. You take a blues song in Kalyani and a Hindustani bandish in the same rag, it may sound different but the root is the same. The endless possibility in creating something new out of these notes is what fascinates me.”
Blogging her thoughts
Apart from music, Neha also spends time on her blog. A journalism student at the city's Press Club, she enjoys penning her thoughts. “It's usually on what I observe around me.” Ask her if she plans to make a career as a journalist and she replies: “I don't think so. I might freelance though. Music is my life and I want to pursue it in earnest. In fact, I listen to music all the time. Music is my work and my hobby,” smiles Neha who is a fan of Imogen Heap and Bjork.
A foodie, who loves everything except seafood, Neha claims her love for food saw her touch 82 kg when she was in class 10. “Constant workouts at the gym and a strict diet have helped me fight the battle of the bulge.” She still binges on her mom, Usha's rajma, channa and dal preparations. So, does she cook? “I can cook an excellent Maggie! Isn't that cooking?”
It was the most random photoshoot ever, don't know if I can even call it one! The Salt N' Pepper team was at Dubai to celebrate 100 days and we were just chilling in our rooms, getting as lazy as ever, arguing over which place to check out and stuff. All of a sudden I had the sudden urge of trying Aashiq's Ray Ban, his most priced possession. He probably loves it more than his life! And then we were on a roll.. it was lights, camera, action! I am a terrible poser and just when Ajay Menon gave up on me, Aashiq Abu, one of the most patient photographers I've met, came into the scene. I would keep doing exactly what he wanted me to do.. and by luck.. we got few amazing shots! This one below is my favourite click.. do click here for more :)
"sabr ka phal meetha hota hain", is something I learnt in my primary Hindi classes back in school. But in my case, there was hardly any wait or struggle in literal sense. I am just a normal couch potato who would rather switch through TV channels than going from studio to studio with a demo CD and biodata. My kind of struggle was a fun ride, where I often happened to slip, too. As lazy as I can get, having sent a dozen demos to the industry's happening composers, only Rahul Raj happened to respond back for 'Chanchalam' in Ritu. But as fate had it, was quite unlucky to not have a video for that, which got the song unnoticed. Then life took a drastically positive turn when I entered into a progressive chamber of creativity aka Rosebowl. From then on, of course, I lost touch with the playback industry, and was immersed in a whole new world of music, where there were no deadlines or commanding producers, but, just plain music! When Aashiq happened to hear Outcast Vocals and invited my to sing for SNP, I never knew it would be a song or a movie that would change the age old commercial perception of Malayalam Cinema. Premikyumbol was probably my fastest studio session so far, in a record of 25 minutes! But what intimidated me was when I heard my voice along with P. Jayachandran's, at the studio. Bijibal sir was so composed and calm even while correcting some of my nuances. And to see it on the big screen ... *sigh*!
When the IMFA, International Malayalam Film Award organizers called to inform me of my award, I thought I was receiving it for only Premikyumbol. But on the day of the function, I realized that I was actually being credited for my musical endeavours with Rosebowl and Avial. Can't believe how progressive music that was displayed only on a local channel, and was circulated on the net, crossing the 7 seas, has scored to such a huge level. I also happened to learn that few Radios in Dubai play the audio tracks of Outcast Vocals, and get a lot of requests for Tose Naina Ft. Anberlin :) Despite recovering from a cold, I had super fun jamming 'Etho Varmukilin' with a talented musician from 'Radio Me', Ranjith. So, a huuuuge thanks to the 'Gelf' Malayalees and music lovers for making this local product international . The list will go on, but can't do without thanking SNP team, Aashiq, Bijibal, Rafeeq Ahmed, P. Jayachandran for Premikyumbol, Sumesh Lal for believing in his conviction, Avial team for making me feel like a family and educating me at all levels regarding music and life; my family, especially Dad.. without whose patience and encouragement I would remain a couch potato. Thank you to everyone on twitter and facebook for having shared my videos and for liking and commenting and retweeting, because of which my work got a little noticed outside Kerala. Finally, thank you IMFA and Radio Me for bestowing upon me this award. I felt really honoured to have shared this moment on the National Day of the U.A.E.
Ever since I shifted my base to Kerala, my mother has always been bugging me to get into some channel and do one of those chit chat shows, where one has to put on a 32 teeth smile, yapping away with aunties ,like forever ! Not that those shows are lame, but it's so not my cup of tea. I am so damn serious and boring , especially in front of camera, that one would stop calling if I ever was to be part of one of those request-a-song-and-i'll-play-what-the-producer-decides show :) After college when I would go home and become a couch potato ,sipping onto hot coffee, Mom would show me plenty of are-you-interested-in-VJing ads ,to which I would retaliate with endless NO's!! Then, one day, as if it was snowing in a desert, I happened to stop upon 'Rosebowl' , during a commercial break going on between one of those cry baby serials my Aunt is addicted to. I couldn't believe my eyes. Something this contemporary, exceptional, out-of-the-box youth channel in Kerala came as a shocking revelation to me. But, my mom would still try to convince me to audition for some channel and invest my qualitative time in some extra curricular activity, rather than indulging into eating 24/7, which is a sickness for few foodies like me. OK. Maybe, I'm just going on and on without getting to the point. Here, it is- the Om Shanti Om dialogue "kisi cheez ko pure dil se chaho tho puri qaynaat use tumse milane ki koshish mein lag jati hain" ... and really, it just happened like that. Some producer who was doing time pass on Orkut, happened to come across my then lame profile (where I had written rubbish like where would I go on a date and so on!), and was bowled over by my display photo, which was, of course, photo-shopped *evil grin* .
The fact is that no one knows about how I had auditioned earlier and was never called back , much before this producer's (Kadamba Rajesh)eye fell upon me. Like a dream come true, I hosted my first ever TV show 'Thank you for the music' , which aired 100 best songs of A.R.Rahman, right before he won the Oscars. The rest they say is history. Sumesh Lal, one of my Godfather in true sense, gave me my first independent show 'Piano sessions with Stephen Devassi' without even an audition. When I asked him about this later, he said that he apparently had some kind of conviction. What followed his conviction were other series like, Outcast Vocals 1 & 2 and the 'In conversation' episodes with a whole bunch of exquisite musicians!
It truly has been a great, fun, musical, extravagant and whatever I say more would only be too less to describe what Rosebowl has given me. I would like to thank all the technicians, cameramen, my producers who've been terribly patient with me ,the other anchors who are so much fun to hang out with , and Sumesh sir for believing in me. You all have watched our work on TV and on the net and have given us so much love, but, a lot of effort goes behind this, from its concept to preparing budgets, to creating sets, lighting, camera, editing, and so much! In fact, we work on a minimal budget, but we have always tried to deliver the best. I hope we've done justice. Tomorrow if our Rosebowl is going to be remembered for Listmania or for Jagee's cookbook or for Talking Point or for Harmonize Projekt, it is definitely because of endless effort and dedication by the small team who works behind the camera. As you all must have known by now, the channel is going to be led by a new creative group. This is what Sumesh Lal, the ex-creative head at Rosebowl had to say on the channel's last day -
Dear friends and well wishers,This is our final status update. The 30 incredibly talented people who were behind Rosebowl have quit...They showed courage and conviction to follow their heart, when everyone else failed to handle the truth. And we will someday tell you that story...We thank all our friends and viewers who were our only inspiration all these years. Well, the show will and must go on. We hope the new guys would take the channel to greater heights...From all of us, producers, editors, cameramen, anchors… Thank you and goodbye!
Goodbye, Rosebowl. This is only a new beginning for all of us who will try to create the same magic in some other platform. Thank you viewers for being such an amazing source of encouragement and constructive criticism. Without you guys, we would never be such a massive hit on the YouTube. This is my last work at Rosebowl..
I have been trying to listen to my inner soul, unintentionally, tossing sides of my cerebral area, deeply sunk into wandering thoughts. I have been experiencing a range of mood swings, most of which are positive and some of which are dark. The only relief I get from the burgeoning thoughts is the music I have bestowed myself upon. As I listen to them, enjoying the lines and the notes, I can feel the music listening to me, my thoughts. Maybe that's why I connect with it, because it connects with me, each time .It's a force that I seldom fail to notice.
Sometimes I just feel how easy a task it would have been for God to thump us upon expecting individuals, who may or may not want to create a generation after them. What are even funnier are the qualities with which he ornaments our souls. Everything is a choice, they say, isn't it? But, what's the right choice is the real problem. This is the quest for my inner soul, I believe.
From birth we imbibe the culture we are born to live with. I succumbed to it as a child, entrusting upon me the inevitable changes of my culture. But, what really is my culture about? Beyond the means of respecting our elders and being obedient, there are others virtues we are expected to follow. Hard work, patience ,tolerance, being ambitious are some qualities we are expected to practice and doing ultimately what your parents think is right for you, or rather what the society has decided to ,unanimously, having a 'secured and safe future'. At one point, I only wanted to make my dad happy, do exactly what he wants me to do with my life, and he has very impeccably chosen the right path for me. But, what he and I were unaware of, for a long time, was that the journey is to be done alone. The journey, from the rugged terrain of scorching heat and dry land to where there are flowing streams and flowers and butterflies. And now, I am still on a quest for my inner soul.
Abruptly leaving this post with lines from The Dewarist - "The story continues with Minds without Fear"
