Creator's eye, the height of enlightenment

Today I was fortunate enough to watch one of the upcoming film maker, Bobby Mana's short film. It is officially not released as such but I am blogging about it as I got to learn a few things today. He assists Shyamaprasad sir in his movies and I got to know him during 'Ritu'. I, my parents and Manoj (who had assisted Shyam sir in 'Ritu' but is a thorough IT professional) watched the film and then we were asked to convey whatever we felt after watching it. Obviously he was not expecting a 'good attempt' or a 'very intellectual idea' or any of those cliched comments. Honestly, I didn't understand the conclusion part. It was a little complicated or rather we Indians are too used to spoon fed movies. Even in a thriller when the lights go off and the heroine is frantically searching for a torch the cameras show every tiny little detail from the time she finds the torch to switching it on to clutching on to it showing her finger nails prominently. This too, I realized when Bobby pointed out how spoon fed our movies are. Where does it give us the time to think? To think about what happened when and why.. To think about something apart from the popcorn and sms-es we receive during the movie.

Except for Manoj the rest of us were blank. I told him very honestly, ashamed at my can't-figure-out-a-thing perception, that I din't get the conclusion which is actually the 'suspense'. Very patiently he explained the story and then asked us to watch it again. Keeping all the hints in mind as I watched it the second time I totally got what he wanted to convey. Later , Manoj and I were giving some critical feedback on the acting and few scenes we still could not connect with. As I was seriously complaining about a particular scene, Manoj was looking down as though admiring the earth beneath him was, with a smile, ridiculing him .When Bobby sensed the vibe and asked him about what he was thinking.. he replied something that inspired me to blog about this.

It is absolutely astounding to have a creator put in his imagination into practicality and it is another extreme to have the receptor analyzing only quarter of what the creator has portrayed. It's even more beautiful when you realize what you had missed and then get an opportunity to experience it once more... you cannot feel more enlightened than this. Creativity is like magic. I don't know how it produces or if it will last. But I know it's there. It's like an evidence without an evidence. It's the beauty of seeing through the creator's eye. That's exactly what I got to do today. With my perception I missed half of the fun and efforts he put behind the creation. Certain things in life are that way. We never realize it's beauty and we rarely see it through the other perception. Maybe if life was like watching a movie from the director's eye... things would have been much different. Definitely not for the worse.

The Rival

I discovered creativity the first time I ever realized the meaning of what music is. I still do not know how to define what music is or creativity is. I have always been bad at giving scientific explanation about terms and conditions that define our life. But what is more important is to experience it. Whenever I sit in front of my Guruji, unaware of my thoughts, he seems to react exactly the way I want him to. It was very hard for me initially to find out mistakes in me because I never came from a traditional musical family. No one can sing at home. But they have great sense of music. But it was still hard for me to imbibe certain aspects when I was on a competitive platform. I still am. But now it's different. Back then I was always trained to give more importance to the element of performance. Or in simple terms, to have the guts to get on stage and sing your heart out. I was a little girl of 9 when I first participated in a singing competition held at the Indian Social Club, Muscat. Unaware of the stiff competition I sang just the way my Guruji taught me. If he was happy, I was happy. When I started winning prizes year after year I realized how good I am at singing and though my parents kept emphasizing on the importance of performance I knew deep inside that I wanted to win. Not to justify my singing with the acceptance of a trophy with my name carved on it but to be able to wear a new dress and to shine with glory that I am a star among the other winners.


The element of fame has never ever been attractive to me. Because as I grew up, understood that getting a prize makes me happy but to work harder the next year to maintain my level made me feel responsible. Responsible to not only my parents or the judges or to a couple of well wishers but to my Guruji and to myself. I woke up and turned a new page of my chapter to learn that I need to give the same kind of quality whenever I perform.

I have been denied a prize several times. I have also been denied the eligibility of getting a prize several times. Has it made me angry? Yes, but only at that point of time. Later on I understood that how I can't imagine writing with my toes , certain people don't think I am good enough to be their fingers. Since then I learnt the art of forgiveness. It's so beautiful to forgive and very hard to forget. I can't get it out of my head. I then agreed that keeping such bad events in my mind will always make me a little more cautious the next time I take a step ahead.

Many people have inspired me to practice, to keep striving harder, to never lose hope and to never speak ill of anyone. At some point life made me realize the value of the talent I have been blessed with. It's a happy responsibility I have to live with for the rest of my life. To achieve certain things , practice is not all that is required , we need to also have the courage to face struggles. But then I felt at times that I am wasting all my energy in facing these struggles, then where is the time to practice? or to live life? The answer is in knowing who is blocking you. We ourselves decide who we want to block our paths. I know it's pretty appalling to read this but when we want to give in ourselves to struggle , struggle will always be after us. I don't want to get in depth about such a subject where I myself am experiencing it right now. But the key to get rid of all the pain, struggles, negativeness around you is to compete with yourself. You are your biggest competitor. You are the only one who can beat yourself to secure the King's throne. Don't leave things to lady luck or the almighty everytime cos each time you do that you are only going to become a couch potato. Look into yourself to realize your powers and make them work. It's all within us. When we compete with ourself, we never lose. Remember that and you'll realize how lucky you are to be breathing on this beautiful earth. When you realize about the biggest competitor within you , you will be able to face the opportunities in your life instead of calling it a struggle.

Few lessons learnt

Having a positive attitude helps a lot in overcoming stress, unwanted rumours/gossips about one self, tension ,etc. Over time I have met loads of people in my life where some have been extremely generous to me and some shrewd. But I have always felt that God does it on purpose so that we understand the value of relationships be it for the worse or otherwise. Anyhow, I wanted to write few quotes which came across my mind when I had to face such people/situations. Most of them have taught me a lesson in a good way and I would like to dedicate this post to them for opening my eyes!

I have decided to blog at least once a month on such quotes that enlightened my sense at such unexpected situations. Here we go ...

The reason why people talk behind your back is because you are ahead of them.

If you live to please others, no one will love you. What you get is only appreciation.

Make your anger so expensive that no one can afford it.

Feel free to share your favourite quotes too.. till then Ciao!

Muscat Idol, 2008 ~ Teen Sensation

Was a pretty fun day. I was one of the finalists of Muscat Idol, 2006 and had the privilege of being judged by Anandji of the Kalyanji-Anadji duo and Bala Bhrambhatt ji. Though I didn't win I did get a lot of recognition and appreciation as I was the youngest among the 12 Indians. The oldest would be somewhere 40 plus. The practice sessions, the photoshoots, the discussions, I used to eagerly wait to go to Mr. Dalal's house for anything to do with this. Though he is a doctor by proffession his passion for music is exotic. He is so hardworking and honest ,wo din bhi kya din the !The 2006 was the one for seniors and Mr. Shekhar had won it. We even had a mini bus where in our digi photos were put across a poster that covered the whole bus. And my! just few days before the finals the bus was riding to each and every place. When people called and said that they somewhat saw my face on a bus, the sense of being a star! priceless! But It was only for that moment. Honest.

Then came the kids season where we had the tiniest of the tiniest singing their lungs out. I had been called to check along the finalists performances. And this time 'Talent Hunters' had grown several yards longer , from Al Falaj to the Amphitheatre (the biggest stage accommodating 5000 people approx.) But sadly I was not able to attend this one coz I was in India then.

Now it's the one for the teens.BTW I am still a teen :D When I received Dalal's call for an invitation to take part in the selection of songs for the finalists ,once again those fond memories were blown back like a wind. Along with a few other senior members we started the session by 7:30. There is quality but in most the singers I found lack of classical knowledge or background. Some were shivering with fear and some totally approached us with a care free attitude. And there was this one girl who kept going out of rythm and this irritated Manoj Bhattji. He was astonished to hear a finalist go out of rythm and this provoked him each time to raise his voice. Seeing that he was not too happy with her singing , she eventually declined and said that she'll probably practice and make an attempt again. Some sang exceedingly well . You know even if you can't sing that great or probably have a voice of low register or high register, etc ...either you practice day and night and rectify it or else choose a song that suits your texture. Most of them wanted to sing Dil Cheez Kya hai and Manoj ji said that "If you choose this song, Neha will beat me coz she has won first prize for this song as she sung it with so much perfection". I got soooooo embarrassed and it was pretty sweet of him to say something that nice about me ... and oh ya !! I won't harm anyone for selecting that one !! That is one of the songs I had sung for the finals. After we packed up the whole session someone shooted out 'Neha ,how come your not taking part?' and I replied that I don't live in Oman anymore :( and it's time for the lil ones to come up. Someone also commented that I am now into selection process than the participation one. I feel so grown up and I hate that. I wish I were still a toddler not having to worry about anything except for the diapers. Gone are those days. Gone. Forever.
Never meant to revert back.

Cows bark MOO!

Being in different places, all of us-friends, keep in touch through www. I happened to chat with one of my closest friends and as usual we kept recollecting those 'ol good days :) That's when she brought up the once upon a time joke her li'l brother had cracked . Well from his mouth it wasn't a joke , but a fact he thought had existed. Here's it goes: when my friend and her family had gone to Bombay (not used to Mumbai as yet)..uncle likes taking a break from the carworld and prefers travelling by other cheaper means of transport. In one such a situation they happened to travel in an auto. As they passed the messy streets of Bombay ,the cows and sheeps are some of the regular visitors they come across. On a regular site-seeing day my friend spotted a white cow with black spots , she immediately pointed it out to her brother as cows was something we seldom saw in Oman. And as she was about to explain about how we get to have yummy curds and cold milk ,he blurted out 'Look, a dalmatian cow!!!'

Until next post , MOO!

Retardation!

Indeed! Having a sqandering memory, I am in the midst of the making of a retard! Yesterday, mom had to go out to collect some documents from the bank, so I was home alone for a couple of hours .Then I got a phone call from a family friend who wanted to speak to my mom directly and instead of passing on a message, asked for mom's number. Now ,my mobile was getting charged upstairs..and whatever I did I just could not remember her number. Infact, to be honest, I never had memorized her number ever cos I always had my cell to look at. And all I could do was ask that lady at the phone to wait.Now that is shamefull.

With electronic storage materials booming around everywhere.. it has become extremely convenient to remember just anything under the sun. I do have this 'things to do' gadget on the right hand side of my laptop which helps me in remembering things! And thanks to my mobile reminders without which I would have become an alzheimer's patient. But I am sure someday these gadgets will be responsible for my already deteriorating memory. I feel so bad when I have to make these gadgets remind me of my day to day stuffs. Though it's really easy and stress free :) But I think it's time we need to stop relying on these and instead trust our brains which will never malfunction except for exceptions. I am going to increase my general knowledge..so am going to head for the Headlines Today for a change! CIAAAAAOOOOOOOO!

Rains...and I

The unpredicted rains in Kerala have again brought the farmer-suicide issues back. And it feels obnoxious to have all this start over again. Not getting into the geographical side, it is indeed an irritation to do anything at all in the rains. Especially when they are least expected. Spoiled my shopping the other day and messed up a lot of things I was looking forward to. But I love the rains .. totally! maybe cos I was almost rain deprived in that desert I used to live in. That's why each time it rains , for me it's like a lap of luxury. But for some it could be perplexing.Now there is absolutely nothing I can do about the rains .. so listening to Soona Soona from Classically mild.. I am just going to enjoy my cup of coffee.

A busy week. Beginned with the AIKKTAN last sunday.It was all of a sudden.I and my parents were in the midst of doing a lot of incomplete work. And since dad was leaving to Oman the next day, he had to get them done asap.On the way he just met up with Vidyadharan master who offered me 2 songs for the award night.The main singers were Chitra Iyer and Afsal.I was completely nervous and unprepared. Everything was fine until I was asked to sing Minsarakanna (Padayappa) by the orchestra head.I was so unprepared , besides I was only fluent with the female portion and I was asked to sing it solo :)Well with God's grace I got my friend to mail me the lyrics in english which helped me a lot !! With 3 hours left for the show to begin, I was frantically learning yeh mera dil , the second song given to me.Then whatever happened after that was like a roller coaster ride. Freshened up-put on some war paint-got the file which contained the lyrics and ran to Nishagandhi auditorium, near the museum.It was really humid initially but later on cooled down.After a couple of songs by Chitra and Afsal, it was my turn.The show was covered by Jeevan but I have no clue when it will be telecasted.And some of the pics of the show have been uploaded in Snapshots.

Then I had to catch up with a lot of college work since my exams are approaching. And as march has marched in, it speaks of a season of exams and a lot of celebrations like , my very close friend celebrated her b'day on the 8th and so was Women's day.And as usual we got to see the dark side of this world showing women doing labour work which earns them low wages. They even had a footage done on a woman who was 'ditched' by her husband after she gave birth to her baby.Women's Day ofcourse beginned by wishing my friend and after that wishing all the womenfolk at my place, of which I didn't receive any back.But hey, no doubts.. I am a woman!

Today, Sunday, as usual , just boring.Was fiddling with my lappy when I met this friend of mine online who decided to enhance the A.R.Rahman community. We are planning to do more of social service and a lot of shows .The community is centered at Trivandrum.We are also holding a meeting this sunday. All are ofcourse invited. Interested members can mail me at nehasasi@hotmail.com ..I am in search of a good name for this club. Do suggest some !!

This evening I attended the Dreams'08 concert at Nishagandhi ,Kanakakunnu. Amazing. With Sreenivasan as the celebrity guest we had surprise guests like Unni Menon and Chitra Iyer too along with a couple of the reality show singers. Shradha, one of the Amrita Superdancer finalists did an amazing job. And Sreenivasan stole the show wid this 'pallavi only' session.. kinda unplugged which included numbers like ethreyo janmamayi , kaisi hai ye. Minsarakanna was his master piece and the OOo Lalala was superlative! Totally!! I had to leave the place by nine, so couldn't catch up with the rest. Hoping to perform with these biggies some day :)

Small things I care about !

A lot of people seldom notice things which I am gonna write about today.As a singer I do check up on all the music credits given of each movie.Songs like Ajeem-O-shaan-shehenshan are chorus pieces.And I am not exaggerating but I did bother reading each name of the singer who is a part of that song. And every song.. wishing that someday , someone would bother reading my name in that lil nestle of the music credits, that too that one of an A.R.Rahman movie :)Aaah..big dreams, big hopes, all's in the hands of the Almighty. I am just a puppet.

There are so many people whose influence might be small but the outputs are something we may have to be thankful to them forever. Even a small electrician who comes to fix a powercut is so helpful that all the ladies who spend all their evenings crying over tele serials should thank him for 'making' their day. Like they say Small things matter the most. Even while watching a movie.. you will perhaps notice the importance of a spot boy when your not able to have a precise view of your favourite hero or a stunt scene.Even a house helper who is responsible for the cleanliness at your place needs to be thanked for making you more immune.We hesitate to clean our own home cos we find that job unfit for our status or perhaps *dirty* That's one thing we Indians have to learn from the West. There is a loooong list to thank..beginning from public sanitation cleaners to the salesperson at your doorstep who commences with his/her evergreen smile to your service 24/7.From the sweeper who sweeps of all the trash you throw recklessly at your workplace to your mom for a cup of coffee.To every RJ for playing my favourite songs and to every counter person who bothers to pack my groceries for me after a tiring day. Thanks to everyone who has made a small but evident difference in my life.Your service will always be etched in my heart forever. And someday returned.

P.S. Happy Valentines Day to everyone whose single and ready to mingle :)